he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
