My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
