Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
