Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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