just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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