come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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