how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
