You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
