my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Lo siento on account of my penis...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
