oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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