he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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