I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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