I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
