I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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