I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
