TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
