just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
