you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
