She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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