Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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