you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
