i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
