She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize