After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
