READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dignity is for republicans.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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