you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
