Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
