I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
