Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
the liver wants what the liver wants
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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