ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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