What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
