oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
