HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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