Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
