i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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