I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
