after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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