some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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