i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
