now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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