Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
