she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
