I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Even my vagina gasped.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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