ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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