Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
