Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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