First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
