He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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