i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We left the knife in your bed.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
