Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize