Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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