I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we're making bets on your personal life
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
