I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
