if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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