You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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