As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
