maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
