is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just googled if crying burns calories
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
His nipple licking is glorious
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