She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
