somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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