RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize