The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
