Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
